It's sitting there in your phone. The reminder you've snoozed for the seventh time this week: "Call the school about Gitty's seat change." You know exactly what you need to do. You know why it matters. But every time you think about having that conversation, navigating the school system, possibly coming across as the pushy parent, and dealing with whatever the response might be, you suddenly remember seventeen other tasks that need your immediate attention.

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Sounds familiar?

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We all have them. The difficult conversations. The bureaucratic nightmares. The confrontations that make our stomachs knot. The tasks that would be uncomfortable anywhere, but somehow feel even harder here, where you're still figuring out the cultural rules, where directness is a sport and "sorry to bother you" doesn't really exist,

This is where "hugging the cactus" comes in.

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The cactus doesn't get less prickly the longer you stare at it. It just takes up more space in your mind.

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Recognize any of these?

• Having the "my child is struggling" conversation with the teacher
• Running from doctor to kupah for that one elusive hafnayah
• Confronting the neighbor about their construction that starts at 7 AM
• Dealing with the arnona bill you don't understand
• Standing up to the pushy mom who always cuts the pickup line

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Why We Circle the Cactus

Our brains are brilliant at avoidance. That call to the school? Triggers anxiety about conflict. The conversation with your spouse? Opens up emotions you're not ready to face. The bureaucratic appointment? Reminds you how much you still don't know about how things work here. So we defer. We postpone. We tell ourselves "tomorrow" until tomorrow becomes next week, next month, or never.

But here's the trap: while we're avoiding, the dread compounds. That task you're putting off? It's taking up prime real estate in your brain. You're spending energy rehearsing conversations that haven't happened, imagining worst-case scenarios, feeling guilty about avoiding it. That mental energy could power you through the actual task five times over.

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How to Actually Hug Your Cactus

• The Coffee Cup Rule Before you finish your first cup of coffee in the morning, make contact with your cactus. Just touch it. Open the email. Dial the number. Write the first sentence of the message. You don't have to finish. Just START. (Spoiler: once you start, you usually keep going. Starting is the hard part.)

• Script It Out Write down exactly what you need to say. Bullet points are fine. Key phrases work. Having it written removes the fear of fumbling in the moment. You can read directly from your notes if you need to.

• Give Yourself Permission to Be Imperfect You don't need to handle this perfectly. You can stumble. You can be direct. You can ask questions. You can say "I'm not sure I understand how this works." And honestly? People respond better to real than to perfect.

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You've already proven you can do hard things. You moved countries. You're raising kids in a place that still sometimes feels foreign. You navigate systems you weren't raised in, cultural norms that don't always make sense, and daily challenges that require constant adaptation. You're stronger than you think. And that cactus you're avoiding? You can handle it.

Your cactus is waiting.

Whatever it is, hug it tomorrow morning. Before the coffee is done. Before you talk yourself out of it. Before you convince yourself to wait one more day.

The relief on the other side is worth every prickle. I promise.

What's your cactus right now? Sometimes just naming it out loud is the first step toward finally grabbing it.

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