Dearest Friend,

They say a writer lives two times, once when he experiences it and again when he experiences it while writing.I say a writer doesn't even live peacefully once. He's always writing everything he's experiencing in his head.So, dear readers, I'm finally writing the thoughts that have been written in my head since Shabbos.

It's been a loaded few days. It's been an intense and exhausting two days that feel like a month. We're trying to make believe we're ok, trying to keep up a positive and cheerful face for our children, but we're not ok.

We're drained. We're ignoring major stress messages from our bodies. We're in survival mode.

The people out of the country are saying how beautiful it is that Khamenei was killed on Shabbos Zachor. How Persia is once again trying to destroy Israel and we're going to have such a neis Purim, and on... How the Geulah is closer than ever, it's amazing!

We find it hard to access the beauty. We're too drained and stressed to care all that much. We just want some peace and quiet and normal routine after years of war. We're sick of hoping and being disappointed and then hoping again. We're drained to another level.

I was listening to Parshas Zachor outside a shul in a sheltered area, where deafening sirens were roaring and booms sounded like a few steps away. It was terrifying. The history of the Jewish nation were embodied in those moments. And the energy that we stamped out Amalek with afterward was like never before.

We pretended we were ok because we didn't want the kids to be scared, but it wasn't ok at all. It was terrifying.

And then I wonder what it was like in Mitzrayim.

The Jewish nation had been born into slavery, abuse and suffering. Their father and grandfather had known no better. Life was meant to be despondent. And then came a man who had a secret code that had been passed down in history. It was the code words that would confirm that he would be the redeemer of the nation. He promised them that they'd go free.

He went to the king and asked them to let them out. He responded by making the slavery worse. He threw all the male babies into the water. Life was worse than ever.

Then this man told the nation - wait and see, Hashem will make wonderous miracles and signs and then you will go out. They were sick of hoping and being disappointed. They were sick of trusting words that didn't seem to lead to anything.

Some gave up hoping. Don't build up my hopes and then let me down again. Let me just live in the miserable life that I know. I want routine. I don't want anymore surprises!

And then came the makka of blood. Wow! This will be the end! Finally, the Egyptians will see the truth, and we'll go free! Their hopes were dashed.

Some gave up. It's too hard to hope and then be disappointed again. I'm exhausted, let me live!

And it went on and on and on. Another makkah and another one. No reason to believe it will ever end!

And with each makkah less and less people had the strength and courage to believe. But only those who were waiting for the salvation would be redeemed.

Unfortunately, at the end of the whole story, only one fifth left Mitzrayim. And those were the ones who were the dor hamidbar, who received the Torah, who were the forbearers of our holy nation.

And where am I today? I'm exhausted. I'm not yet managing to be excited that there's going to be an amazing Purim miracle and how amazing it is that we're fighting with Iran exactly now, and on and on. We're more concerned about letting the kids go out to deliver mishloach manos and what happens if there's a siren.

But I need to be. I've managed galus all these years. I've lived through the struggles, I need to be there by the redemption.

And so, I turn to the holy kapitel tehillim that is designated for today, Taanis Esther.

אֵלִ֣י אֵ֖לִי לָמָ֣ה עֲזַבְתָּ֑נִי רָח֥וֹק מִ֜ישֽׁוּעָתִ֗י דִּבְרֵ֥י שַֽׁאֲגָתִֽי:

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? You are far from my salvation and from the words of my moaning.

Hashem, we're all calling out to you together!

All of us living in Eretz Yisrael all these years. We're exhausted! We know that we're living in the holiest place in the world and there isn't another place we want to live. But we're tired and drained and stretched thin.

The salvation seems far and it's hard for us to wait with anticipation when we're running to the saferooms every few minutes.

But we're not giving up! We know the salvation is near, and we who have gone through so much to stay loyal to You all these years, we want to be with You when the miraculous redemption arrives.

Our ancestors trusted in You; they trusted and You rescued them. They cried out to you and they escaped; they trusted in You and they were not shamed. (Tehillim 22:5-6)

Today is the day

!פָּצ֣וּ עָלַ֣י פִּיהֶ֑ם אַ֜רְיֵ֗ה טֹרֵ֥ף וְשֹׁאֵֽג:
They opened their mouth against me [like] a tearing, roaring lion.

We are surrounded by lions, in a war of lions. But we're going to hope and daven and plead and cry today. Today is the day!! Today is the day that we will stand before you and beg.

And as our momentous chapter ends...

יָבֹאוּ וְיַגִּ֣ידוּ צִדְקָת֑וֹ לְעַ֥ם נ֜וֹלָ֗ד כִּ֣י עָשָֽׂה
They shall come and tell His righteousness to the newborn people, that which He has done.

We will be the nation who wil be reborn in the redemption. We are going to be the one living the miracles. We will be the fifth redeemed.
It is us. Exhausted, worn, and drained.We are going to be the ones to tell the tale of Moshiach.

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